To Customer Service at a company that is presumably laughing all the way to the bank:
This lamp was "guaranteed for life." When it died you refused to replace it. I was instructed to ship it to you at my expense, and it would be repaired, "if possible." I decided it was not worth the additional hassle. I'd wasted time and money and not been satisfied, so I tossed the lamp and decided to never deal with you again.
This year, somehow, I landed on your email list. I should have just cancelled the unsolicited mailings, which praise your firm's expanded product list of "tools" designed to satisfy my "passion for reading" and feature nice pictures with seductive ad copy.
My biggest mistake was purchasing my one Christmas present for myself this year from YOU. I spent more on it than I did back in the 80s for the lamp -- at least the lamp worked for a while. And even more money to assure delivery by the holiday.
The package arrived here in Hawaii on Dec. 24. The shipping box was way too large for the item, but it did have your company name all over it. The inflated packing material, doubtless more expensive since it also bore your company name, "protected" a glossy cardboard box with a matching faux silk ribbon. Inside, the item was wrapped in a soft gray cloth. I still have no idea of what that was for; it has no apparent function other than to further drive up the cost.
I finally got to my item: AL8670 LTR TQ Circa Bookcloth notebook, Letter - Turquoise. This shoddy, overpriced thing would be a joke, if not for my disappointment. I still have not resolved whether I am more upset with myself for being a gullible sucker, or if I am more incensed by the false manner in which this item was represented in your eTrade catalog.
Its main "feature," a bit of elastic supposed to keep things in order, is stitched into the back of the notebook in a position where it is IMPOSSIBLE TO FUNCTION AS ADVERTISED.
There is some sort of a vinyl-like tab, with Velcro, attached to the back. I have NO idea of what it is, since it is too small to use as a latch or serve any purpose.
When I turned the page of additional material being pitched to me, it tore out of the book. The materials are cheap. I have seen similar notebooks at the Marukai 99-Cent Store in the Windward Mall in Kaneohe, which sells Made In China merchandise of the same shoddy type for much less money.
The front pocket is too tight to function. The back cover is wasted: it has nothing to offer, working or not. If there is a “pen loop,” is also too tight to function. The “synthetic” material makes 1950s plastic seem elegant in comparison.
This experience has flamed my passion all right. It has motivated me to spend this time on the morning after Christmas WARNING would-be buyers about your overpriced, mega hyped products. They are obviously advertised in a manner to appeal to gullible, wannabe writers. As a professional writer, that just adds insult to the injury self-inflicted on my own self-judgment.
I should have learned the first time -- based on my bad experience years ago with YOU, when humans, not computers, dealt with your customers -- that your company is mostly all talk and has little useful, let alone economical, merchandise to offer. Perhaps you can use some of that fanciful prose to advise me how to return this junk, get my hard-earned money back and my name off your mailing lists, forever. OK, you want feedback?
The only thing appropriate about my Christmas gift to myself this year is that it is consistent with the greed, incompetence and deceit of many of this country’s firms, who think they can hoodwink the dumbed down U.S. consumer.
If one person reads this note and is prevented from throwing away good money by investing in your overpriced, overrated products, then perhaps something good will have come of my HOLIDAY NIGHTMARE, for which you are 100% responsible.
Karmic Kalikimaka to YOU!
I know, I know, it is ultimately MY fault. Fall for the line, prepare to be hooked.
